September 25, 2013

Leaning on Autumn

As the seasons start to shift, so do earthly possessions. A time of reflection is no lazy task.

In reality, you idly wait while your mind places a sudden hold on your limbs, and unlocks your box of memories. You start to think of places you've been, things you did and people you once knew or still currently know, while your mind actively participates through the threshold of each new scene behind your eyes.

As time continues to pass, the wall holding two hands starts to rotate clockwise. You are now fully submerged in a deeper dream of reality that host such things that only you and your best friend at the time would know. Such as those special tokens, letters or figurines  that you buried in the backyard for safe keeping, only to come back the next day and brush of the muddy residue and crawly creatures that were disturbed by your unexpected retrieval 24 hours later.

Life is funny that way.. it continues its movement while you stay steady in one place. Often times it can feel lonesome, unsettling and downright unfair. Just like that moment you lose your car keys just as you are about to leave the house.

Your heart starts to race, you kick into fight or flight mode and you immediately search your memory files for places you once were before leading up to this moment.

You curse every book and door knob during your search. Tossing magazines and flustering over clothes that have now spread out like a blanket on the floor.
"Awe." You sigh. "There are my keys," you mutter.

Life has been restored from your temporary loss, your blood pressure diffuses and your breath returns to a steady pace. You're now on your way...

I think losing someone you love so dearly is just like this. Although, the steady pace and temporary loss is without end, the initial fluster can set in and set you back a few minutes, hours or days.

If you're late for work, it makes others late, as they are now waiting on you. Does the same rule apply when we lose someone we love?  If they are no longer here, does our heart then become late for other love? The truth is, our heart was built to have several tiers of love. Each new person we meet, is placed within one of those tiers.

There is no mediocre love, but there is love that goes far beyond reach, holds an unconditional burning candle and provides an ache that can feel like torture. It is this love tier that holds only the finest of the finest in our minds devotion. The memories. The places we were. The moments we will never forget.

To all the loves that were lost. You are not lost at all and you will never be forgotten. You will continue to be my search beyond the field. I will dig you up, I will brush the dirt off your face and I will keep you in my safe box every day for the rest of my life; You will never be without my love, as you are my treasured token and top tier.

Dedicated to Andrew, Grandma Lorraine, Nana Fina, Papa Lloyd, Abuelita Rodriguez, and my dear friends and family who have all lost someone so close to them. May your tokens continue to shine.